Հայասա Աշխարհ: Does God have a PhD?

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

By Dr. Geoff Halsey
London University, UK.

Why "God" (Yahweh/Jehovah) doesn’t have a PhD:

He had only one major publication.
It had no references.
It wasn't published in a peer-reviewed journal.
Some even doubt he wrote it by himself.
It may be true that he created the world, but what has he done since then?
His co-operative efforts have been quite limited.
The scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results.
He never applied to the ethics board for permission to use human subjects.
When one experiment went awry he tried to cover it by drowning his subjects.
When subjects didn’t behave as predicted, he deleted them from the sample.
He rarely came to class, just told students to read the book.
Some say he had his son teach the class.
He expelled his first two students for learning.
Although there were only 10 requirements, most of his students failed his tests.
His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountaintop.

Why "God" (Yahweh/Jehovah) may have a PhD:

His publication is incredibly well cited.
No matter the time of day and no matter where they were, he’s always watching his experiments.
He has the largest and most statistically relevant sample. (Although he began with only two subjects.)
Although his office hours were infrequent, one could always call for him wherever he was, or try to contact him via one of his numerous secondary offices.
Even if he invented the universe, life and love and also wrote the most known masterpiece, he never complained for not obtaining a Nobel Prize in either physics, medicine, physiology, peace or literature (respectively).
His examiners never found a question he could not answer.
He was so dedicated, that he even included his son in his experiments.
And to finish, he did all this at a time where no company sold enzymes, power supplies, lab equipment etc. and also had to analyse his results without Excel or even a portable calculator!

I think all this proves he deserves an honorary PhD.

Why "God" (Yahweh/Jehovah) doesn’t give a damn about a PhD:

He’s the boss.
His only publication is still the most influential in the field, with millions of citations a year.
Sure He didn’t write it Himself, but with 12 grad students, would you?
Everybody says “Amen” to His opinions.
Disagree with Him, and you may end up in hell.
He's well known for being a hard worker: six days a week non-stop; rests only on the 7th.
Nobody can beat His 4.5 billion years of field work and 3.5 billion years of DNA expertise.
Most agree He was the first one to be awarded a Nobel prize. Nobel himself.
His research facilities are simply the best: Even well funded scientists will admit they work in conditions which are “far from Heaven” when asked.
He doesn’t depend on grant money.